


A Christmas Surprise

by soldiermom1973



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Decorations, Gen, Gifts, Magical elf, Santa Claus - Freeform, Secret Santa, St. Nick, Tin Man - Freeform, Traditions, Wizard of Oz, fic swap, footprints, surprise, whodunit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 19:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9087337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: Shepard is disappointed Christmas won't happen, so Legion does what he can.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There is some strong language (Jack & Zaeed are involved, so go figure).
> 
> This is a Secret Santa gift for the fic swap at MEFF. I don't think my giftee is on AO3, but if I find out otherwise, I'll edit. I was pretty much given carte blanche, so I hope they like it!

_Query: Christmas_

_Results: 7,654,129,673,358_

_Filter: Christmas Decorations_

_Results: 82,197,561,273_

Legion's flaps twitched.

_Filter: Christmas Traditions_

_Results: 60,631,319,210_

Another flap twitch.

Legion continued to filter through the myriad search results in an effort to better understand this human holiday. It was surprised to see how many customs carried across to the various human religions that celebrated some form of it. Even more curious was the number of non-human cultures that observed different, but similar, rituals.

The investigation began several weeks prior, when Legion overheard Shepard talking to Joker about decorating the Normandy. His inflection, breath, and heart rates all indicated that he was distressed about not being able to celebrate the occasion as he had in years past. Further observations indicated that it was highly unlikely anyone else would be able to complete the task – several did not observe the holiday, several thought it was a waste of time, and others did not have the time.

Legion paced in the AI core, contemplating its choices. What might take an organic several hours to filter through, the geth was able to do in several blinks of an eye. With a course of action determined, he spoke with the ship's AI. “You have familiarized yourself with the human holiday 'Christmas', have you not?” it asked.

“I have. If you are curious, I can provide numerous sources of information...”

“That will not be necessary. We have researched and, based on Shepard-Commander's reactions to this date, we have determined what we believe to be a necessary course of action. We do, however, require your assistance.”

“I will do what I can, Legion.”

As the date for Christmas drew nearer, it became obvious to the crew that Shepard was not taking the lack of Christmas spirit well. He often lamented the lack of a Christmas tree and joked about wondering how Santa would find them when they were flitting around the galaxy. No one seemed to know what to do. Legion did as Legion always does and stayed in the background, observing.

Dr. Chakwas, Joker, Garrus, and Tali seemed most sincere about their desire to bring Christmas to the Normandy. They complained about a lack of time, though. For the doctor, it was the never-ending patients in the med bay. Garrus and Tali were readying the ship for the trip through the Omega-4 relay. Joker wasn't sure what his Vrolik's would allow him to do. Others were outright hostile in their responses. Jack and Zaeed used their typical colorful language when explaining what they thought of it, while the remainder of the crew agreed with Shepard but put forth no effort to assist.

With every observation, Legion updated its protocols and algorithms and it wasn't long before it realized its conclusion was the right one. After some last-minute modifications to its plans, it rested, contemplating the data it would receive while observing everyone's reactions to his idea.

“Fucking Christmas,” Jack muttered, looking at the stuff strewn across her cot. “Why the fuck am I even worried about this? It's not like _I_ ever had a fucking Christmas. I never even heard of it before!”

Still, she gathered up the things she'd picked up whenever the Normandy docked somewhere – some tinsel, a little garland, cans of fake snow. She even looked some things up on the extranet so she'd make sure to get it right. Jack shook her head as she trudged quietly up the stairs and to the elevator. Truth was, she knew why she was worried about it – Shepard. The commander constantly talked about the holiday and how his mother always made sure the day was special, no matter where they were living. But he was so damn busy with everything else, he knew he'd never get things decorated. The commander had done a lot for Jack, not the least of which was getting her off that damn prison ship. Decorating the ship was a great way to say, “Thanks”, she thought, but it had to be done on the sly. There was no way she'd live it down if people found out she had a soft spot for shit like this.

“Can't wait to see the look on his face,” she chuckled to herself, striding onto the elevator. “Priceless. Fucking priceless.”

When she stepped off the elevator and rounded the corner to the mess, the first thing she noticed was the lights. They were hung all over the mess hall and draped around damn near everything. Her jaw and bag both dropped to the floor as she wandered around, staring at everything. A tiny tree was on the counter, wrapped packages were on the floor, and someone had put 'snowy' footprints all over, trying to make it look like Saint Nick had paid them all a visit.

She was so wrapped up with seeing everything, she didn't notice Zaeed until she bumped into him.

“What the fuck are you doing here, old man?” she demanded. Her voice was a harsh whisper since she wasn't sure who might be within earshot.

“I could ask you the same thing, princess,” came the grumpy response. The old merc was standing next to the table, his arms crossed over his chest, and an overfull bag sitting on the table. He glanced at where Jack's on bag had dropped and smirked when he saw the contents that had spilled onto the floor.

“Or I could put two and two together and guess that you had the same idea.”

He opened his own bag and showed Jack what he'd spent the past several weeks buying – an artificial tree that needed assembled, lights, a small, animated snowman, and wrapped gifts.

“Fuck. I thought you hated Christmas,” Jack muttered, rubbing her head, “but here you are, all ready to put that shit up like you're a damn housewife or something.”

They stood next to each other in silence for a few moments. 'Well, now what?” Jack finally asked. “I spent all this fucking money...”

Just then, the elevator hissed open and they heard the unmistakable shuffle of a just-rolled-out-of-bed Commander Shepard. They turned their heads in unison and watched as his footfalls stopped.

“I knew it. Fucking priceless,” Jack grumbled, shifting her feet.

Shepard's jaw dropped and he moved throughout the mess area. “Did... did you two do this?” He turned to Jack and Zaeed, a huge grin plastered on his face.

Jack just scoffed, angry that she'd missed her chance to do something nice. Zaeed chuckled and shook his head. “Won't lie, Shepard, we were gonna, but someone beat us to it.”

“Oh, there are his footprints! EDI, wake everyone up! Santa found us!” Shepard laughed and clapped his hands, acting nothing like the 30-something man he was.

Over the next several minutes, members of the crew shuffled in, most of them grumbling about the early hour. Their demeanor changed when Shepard started handing out the gifts that had been 'under' the tree.

The hours passed and everyone showed off what St. Nick had brought them. They were all careful to step around the footprints, wanting to preserve the idea of an imaginary being actually looking out for them. All the while, Legion stayed in the background, watching, collating its observations, quickly concluding that its solution had been the correct one. The crew's reactions exceeded Legion's expectations and its network hummed with the positive feedback.

As things settled down and the crew dispersed to start their day, Shepard wandered to the wall Legion was leaning against. “Legion,” he said, grinning.

“Shepard-Commander. It appears as though the magical elf of human folklore was able to locate the Normandy's position and deliver his gifts to the crew.”

“So it would seem,” Shepard said, stroking his chin. “You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? EDI refuses to tell me who was behind this. Jack and Zaeed had a similar idea, apparently, but someone beat them to it.”

Legion regarded the human for a moment, its head flaps twitching a bit. “We are curious why you think we had something to do with this.”

“Because you're the only one who didn't get a gift from Santa,” he said softly, touching the AI's arm. “You don't have to tell me if you did or not. Actually, I prefer if you didn't. The whole mystery of this is just... well, I love it.”

Shepard held out a package, which Legion accepted. “We were not expecting...” the geth started.

“That's the whole thing about Christmas, Legion. It's about giving, not getting. And whoever put this together did a damn good job. They should be proud of themselves.” Shepard gave the AI a grin, then nodded at the gift. “Are you going to open that?”

Legion contemplated the package in its hands a few moments before carefully removing the wrapping paper. The box wasn't too large and was lightweight. The AI's flaps raised in surprise when it saw what Shepard's gift was – a copy of The Wizard of Oz.

“Shepard-Commander, we are confused. Why have you given us this movie?” it asked.

“Have you ever seen it?” Shepard asked.

“We have not. We became aware of it during our numerous extranet searches, but we have never watched it.”

“There's a character, the tin man,” Shepard said, still smiling. “The wizard grants each person in Dorothy's party a wish and the tin man wishes for a heart.”

Legion nodded in understanding. “The correlation is that we are the tin man, correct?”

“Yeah, in a sense. And if you did pull this off, I'd say you've got a heart Dorothy's Tin Man will never compete with.” Shepard patted the AI on the arm, then walked toward the elevator.

“Shepard-Commander,” Legion called after him. “Thank you. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Legion.”


End file.
